Finding Love Again When Your Picker’s Broken with Matchmaker April Davis
Divorce is hard. But love on the other side of a divorce? You might feel like it’s never going to happen. You might feel like you never want to try again. Well, in this episode, we’re joined by an exciting guest who can not only help you realize that there can be love out there for you after your divorce, but also can help you navigate this confusing – yet wonderful – time.
April Davis runs LUMA – Luxury Matchmaking, a nationwide matchmaking service helping clients all across the country. April intuitively has been helping people connect for as long as she can remember. With LUMA, her goal is to help people not just meet other people but find quality matches that are long-lasting, take home to Momma, marriage material type of love.
Links & Notes
April & LUMA on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
Singles can join by going to LumaSearch.com and filling out the profile form.
Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!
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Pete Wright:
Welcome to How to Split a Toaster, a divorce podcast about saving your relationships from True Story FM. Today, your mother called. She'd like you to meet her toaster.
Seth Nelson:
Welcome to the show, everyone. I'm Seth Nelson. And as always, I'm here with my good friend, Pete Wright. Divorce is hard as we've said on the show many times, but love on the other side of divorce? You might feel like it's never going to happen. You might feel like you never want to try again. Well, we're joined by an exciting guest today who cannot only help you realize that there can be love out there for you after your divorce, but also can help you navigate this confusing yet wonderful time. April Davis runs LUMA. Luxury Matchmaking, a nationwide matchmaking service helping clients all across the country. April's always intuitively felt that she can help people not just meet other people, but find quality matches that are long lasting, take home to mama, marriage material type of love. And she's here to talk about that with us today. April, welcome to The Toaster.
April Davis:
Thank you for having me.
Seth Nelson:
So I want to preface this, Pete, before you get started, any questions I ask, my fiance happens to be listening, asking for the show, asking for a friend. I want to get that out right away.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, this is safe space, Seth, this is a safe space. April, I am thrilled to have you here because I think this is, it's a conversation we dance around often on the show, especially for people who are fresh out of divorce, trying to navigate what it means to "get back out there." The world is very, very different. And so we'd very much like to talk about that with you today. But first, matchmaker, how did you know? I'm looking at the LUMA website, you've got like 5,000 people working for you. You've got this massive cadre of matchmakers out there. And I thought that we lived in an exclusively swipe left, swipe right world. How did you get into this business and what's your space?
April Davis:
Matchmaking has been around for a long time. It's one of the oldest professions and basically, it's one of those things that I guess came to me naturally that I would meet someone and I would automatically think about who I could introduce them to. Whether it was for dating, of course, or just friendships or business connections. It's an easy way to really make an impact in someone's life and to help them out. And so it's somewhat of a gift and I think it's just a mindset, thinking about how can I help people?
Pete Wright:
Can you walk us through the practical experience of using a matchmaker service? What it would it look like for me? Again, asking for a friend. What would it look like for me to come to request your services?
April Davis:
What we do is people would basically, they can just go to our website, fill out the form and schedule a time to meet with one of the matchmakers and the matchmaker will go through a whole series of questions so that we can understand who they are and who they're looking for in a match. And that way we can determine if we can even take them on as a client. And if we have people to match them with. And then from there, once they become a client, then we go even more in depth, we do a personality assessment and then also will do a search on their behalf to see who would be a good fit. And we end up interviewing on average about 50 people per client. So it's like we're going on those 50 first dates for them so they don't have to. And as you can imagine, it's a ton of work.
Seth Nelson:
You can see my mind going, right?
Pete Wright:
Right.
Seth Nelson:
50 first dates. That is a lot of first dates. And I remember when I was way back in the dating world, my mother asked me, "Seth, do you get nervous going on first dates?" And I'm an extrovert. I said, "Absolutely not. I don't get a lot of second dates. I get nervous on the second date." But what's happening here is April's going to solve that problem for a lot of people.
Pete Wright:
Right.
Seth Nelson:
Right?
April Davis:
Yeah. We plan the date and we get feedback from both people afterwards so we can hear how it went and then we can relay any feedback to our clients if they-
Seth Nelson:
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean you plan the date? This is great.
April Davis:
Well, so, if, say... It depends. Nowadays, a lot of times people are doing stuff virtually, so they're doing Zoom or FaceTime for first date. Or if they do meet in person, we'll figure out a good spot and time and everything and coordinate it so they just have to show up basically.
Pete Wright:
Oh, okay. I want to get into more of the practicals, but you said something earlier that got my mind spinning and so again, I'm asking for Seth, mostly. When you say you have them fill out a form to find out if you can even take them on, what are the criteria that would indicate you can't take them on?
April Davis:
Well, first, the form is just it's like just their name and email and contact information. We actually have a conversation. When we meet with them. We'll do a Zoom or FaceTime meeting with them to determine if they have realistic expectations. So if it's somebody that is looking for someone that actually exists in our database or not. So yeah, we've had to turn away people that maybe they're looking for someone in an age range or demographic that is just not... we just don't have the people that would be looking for them and want to date them in return. So the classic one is somebody, say it's, I don't know, a 60 year old woman that wants to date a 40 year old guy. Well, we just don't have enough of those guys that are open to dating someone 20 years older than them. Or man or woman vice versa and stuff. It just depends on the person and, again, what they want and what their expectations are. There could be a reason why they're not finding what they want.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
I wasn't going to state the obvious. I was holding back, Pete. I know it's hard to believe.
Pete Wright:
But now that the obvious is out there, at least it sounds like you might be a helpful tool for these people to actually say, "Here's the red flag. We can't help you. Maybe you should take this to heart and think about why you're not watching the person that you really want."
April Davis:
Yeah. And I think those people do. Most people are realistic. I'm just saying there's some people that we just... we will talk too that we just don't think are a good fit for us or vice versa. But for the most part, people have... they're open-minded. That's the main thing is just being open-minded because it's not like Amazon. You can't just get whatever or McDonald's or Burger King and get whatever you want.
Pete Wright:
I imagine that's really hard too right now, especially after two years of the pandemic. We, I think as human beings, get rewired when we have certain behaviors with exchanges online and going to a website, it seems like this should be easy.
Seth Nelson:
Yeah. But I was just talking to a friend of mine, the supply chain's backed up. So mail order brides? Way backed up, Pete, come on.
Pete Wright:
Oh geez. Seth, that's not what we're touching.
Seth Nelson:
Oh, I'm sorry.
Pete Wright:
That's not what we're talking.
Seth Nelson:
I'm sorry.
Pete Wright:
I want to transition to this idea of getting back out there because that's really, if you're listening to this show, you're likely in a position to have been married for some period of time. And we're looking to help you, dear listener, to get back out there. So I turn to you April for your guidance. What do you see when people come to you who have been out of the dating market for many years and what do you do to help them transition back into if they feel like they're ready to start looking again?
April Davis:
Well, I think that's where a service like this can come in very handy for people that haven't been in the market. So the matchmakers work hand in hand, we act as state coaches to our clients. We can give them feedback. We can help them to put their best foot forward. So some clients might need help with deciding what to wear or what to do or what to say on a date. And that's where we can give them advice customized to each individual and whatever it is that they need.
So for example, we will connect them with a wardrobe stylist that will go through their closet basically and help them to get rid of things or help them decide, okay, this works for your body type. And then come up with ideas on what would be a fun first date for them. So maybe if they're a little bit more introverted, they might do better with an entertainment style date versus interview style date where they're sitting across the table from each other and just facing each other, feeling like they're in an interview. So it just really depends on the circumstances and the client, of course.
Seth Nelson:
I've got a million questions, Pete. You're looking at me.
Pete Wright:
I want to hear them. Yeah, no, I'm looking because your mouth just started to open just like-
Seth Nelson:
Right. No, like...
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
That's exactly how I make my arguments in court too. So it's not... so April, this is really interesting because it sounds to me on the one hand and I'm going to be a lawyer talk out both sides of my mouth that it's almost as if you're having them put their best foot forward. Like, Hey, we'll come, we'll help you pick out the clothes and stuff. But really what I was hearing the underlying of that is you're giving people confidence to get back out there.
April Davis:
Yeah. There's definitely, that's a big part of it for sure. And then they are also, they know that the person that they're meeting is legit. It's someone that we've vetted for them and we think is a good fit, wants the same things. They're looking for a serious committed relationship as well. They're not just some scammer online or they're not looking for-
Seth Nelson:
And what about that person who's like, "I just got out of a long relationship, just got out of a divorce. I'm just trying to get back out there. I want to have a nice time. If it leads to something great, but I don't really feel like I'm getting married anytime soon if at all." How do you work through those issues? Or do you say, yeah, we've got people to meet and if it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere.
April Davis:
Absolutely. That's totally it. It's just there's a lot of people online that are looking for casual hookups and that's not what we do. So we're looking for people and we're helping people that actually want a relationship and want a connection.
Pete Wright:
Talk to me about what is hard for people who are getting back into the sort of marketplace for relationships. I imagine people are coming to you saying not only do I not know how to dress and I don't want to be in an interview, but I don't even have on my radar the kinds of mistakes I'm about to make on my first date back. What are the kinds of things that you see there are challenges for folks?
April Davis:
Well, there's just some things that come to mind that I've seen that... well, for example, you know what not to talk about on a date. We try to steer people away from talking about politics or religion or sex or their ex.
Seth Nelson:
Oh my God, I was jumping up and down over here, do not talk about your ex.
April Davis:
Right. That's one that a lot of people think, well, here, I'm on a date. We're both single. We both have dated before. We have that in common. So let's talk about that. And they end up turning it into a therapist type session. And they don't want to hear about your past relationships. They're there to get to know you. And you have been on this planet for many years. There's plenty of other things to talk about other than your ex. And usually, it's not anything good to say. And that negativity just carries through and it may be justified, but it's still, it always is perceived as negativity and people will associate that with you. And when you're on a date, your mindset needs to be about giving that person a good time and having fun. And it's hard to do that when you're just complaining or bitching about your ex.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Do you hear that, Seth?
Seth Nelson:
Yeah.
Pete Wright:
I want to make sure that really sinks in because you're embarking on a new journey yourself.
Seth Nelson:
On a new journey. I'm getting in so much trouble when she listens to this episode, I'm telling you now. But here's the deal, April and I will share this is when I was dating, and I am a divorce attorney. People would say, "Well, what do you do?" And I would say, "Well, I'm a lawyer." And I would leave it at that. And then they would say, "What kind of law?" And I would say, "Divorce."
April Davis:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
And then I would always follow it up, which I thought was a very clear signal to set up boundaries that, "I work really hard and I work hard at work and I also work hard to leave work at work because I don't bring the divorces home with me. I am divorced. I'm very close with my former spouse. That's important to me." I don't know how many different ways I was saying do not tell me about your divorce. And inevitably I would hear, "Ugh, I had the worst divorce ever." And I'm thinking to myself, "Check, please," because they didn't get the hint. And they start telling me about the divorce, which oh, by the way is not the worst divorce ever, which I would never do, but let me tell you about my day and what I was dealing with for these other people, not me. Right? So it just was horrible. And all my buddies, I would tell them, "Hey, if you're going out, don't talk about your ex."
Pete Wright:
This goes right to it though, Seth, and I think that gets what April was saying too. It's this idea that not only should you not talk about your divorce, but you should be aware when you're in the situation, it's really hard not to talk about your divorce. The idea that this is a thing we have in common. Let's go ahead and talk about it. But I know I shouldn't do a lot of other things, but I do them because it's really hard not to do those things. And so I think that's important if you're listening to this to know, you might be saying to yourself, "Yeah. I would never talk about my divorce" until you're over that candle at dinner and you're running out of things to talk about. And so suddenly the divorce starts spilling out of your mouth. It's always the last minute you have no idea what you're talking about, and then you're in divorce talk.
April Davis:
Yeah. Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
That's a good point, actually, Pete. I never really thought of it that way. So I'm going to chalk one up for you there, buddy.
Pete Wright:
God, where's my bell?
Seth Nelson:
I know. I know. April, and when you're helping these people that are actually looking for the relationship and you're trying to connect them, what are the things that you're looking for? And I know it's not just the superficial, but are you looking for how they deal with money? How they deal with sex? How their personalities mesh? Do they like to travel? Introvert extrovert? What's the underlying characteristics that ultimately make people click or don't?
April Davis:
Well, the biggest things are people's values. So you start with if they want kids/ if they already have kids, they don't want more kids. That's a big one. Or religion, it's really, it depends on what's important to the client, most important to the client. Maybe the client is a retired and wants to travel a lot so they're looking for somebody that can also have that same kind of lifestyle. And that's a strong value of theirs as well. So it comes down to what's the strongest, I guess the values, first of all, because it's never going to work if two people are very different in say, somebody wants kids and somebody doesn't, then that's just not going to work. So let's not even introduce them to begin with and you'd be amazed, well, maybe Seth, you're not amazed because I'm sure you've met these people that end up getting married that think very differently about religion or children. And it's like, well, why did you even? You shouldn't ever gotten married to begin with. This is like basic 101, but-
Seth Nelson:
Right. And I never tell them that. They usually are telling me that. I knew it walking down the aisle, so to speak.
April Davis:
Right, right. People probably told them too and warned them don't do it, but they do it anyway. And that's actually part of why I started this business. My husband's a divorce attorney and we were-
Seth Nelson:
I'm sorry.
April Davis:
Talking about relationships all the time. Yeah. And he'd tell me these stories and I meet them as clients now too. And these people should have never got together to begin with. So we try to keep them from meeting someone that's so different, so off, and then just put them in front of someone that compliments their lifestyle.
Pete Wright:
Have you seen, speaking specifically of like matchmaking characteristics, have you seen a shift in what people are asking you to pair them with over the years?I'm wondering specifically because I have a dear friends who've been married for a long time. One of them is deeply conservative and one of them is deeply liberal and they honestly didn't know that about each other as they were getting married. And that worldview kind of evolved over the years. And I'm wondering if that's something you're seeing people are asking more about.
April Davis:
Well, definitely after Trump was elected, that became an issue whereas before it wasn't as big of a deal, but it became a huge talking point for a lot of people. And also I think the idea around gender roles, as far as traditional versus somebody that wants someone like maybe a guy wants a woman that's independent, makes her own money, can take care of herself or maybe he's somebody that he makes plenty of money for both of them, doesn't care what she does for a living. That kind of thing has, I would say, come up a bit more clear.
Seth Nelson:
This just sounds really healthy to me because I mean, I have this one friend who is very close with my fiancee and when she was on the apps, she was going through like left, left, left of no, no, no, no, no. And she's like, okay, went through all the inventory, and that's what everyone does. Right? Left, right. They should call it the inventory. But no one's getting to these conversations and maybe you're on 3, 4, 5 dates before you get to that conversation. But to at least know upfront like, Hey, at least we've got some common ground here.
April Davis:
That's the problem with the apps is you're just looking at a photo. You don't know these sorts of things and you're not even giving the person a chance and people are so judgment on one picture, one flash. And I mean, not everybody takes great pictures. Right? And so it can be... Except for you, Pete, obviously.
Pete Wright:
There we go.
Seth Nelson:
Yeah. Yeah.
April Davis:
I can tell. I can tell.
Seth Nelson:
You are on a roll today, Pete.
Pete Wright:
I'm not fishing but I like what I caught.
April Davis:
Not everybody can look like Pete [inaudible 00:20:02].
Seth Nelson:
That's what they call him. The Robert Redford of the podcast world.
Pete Wright:
This is what they call me because they'll never see me.
Seth Nelson:
Right. Exactly.
Pete Wright:
Well, I think that's really great too, this whole point. I'm sorry. I'm blushing now. That it sounds like you're doing that sort of projection for people. Right? You're able to help them make the case in a more thorough manner.
April Davis:
Yeah. We see what people look like without the filters and without the editing and the lighting and everything that people do to make them look good.
Pete Wright:
What is the... I don't know if you even track this kind of stuff, but the number of people who come to you and say, "I'm done with the dating apps. I need help." Is that something you hear? Or is it just a completely different clientele?
April Davis:
Oh yeah. They're over it. They're sick of it. They're sick of people not having good intentions, they're lying or whatever it is. Or a lot of people are like my picker's broken.
Pete Wright:
My picker's broken.
Seth Nelson:
Ding, ding, ding, name of the show right there.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
My picker's broken. I love it. And it's so true. Right?
April Davis:
Well, it's hard to pick for yourself if you're just looking at photos and you're judging people based on one photo, then you're narrowing it down to just you're not seeing the full picture. And I guess I've been so programmed in what I do to not judge a book by its cover, to not judge people in general, because people are so unique. And we think that we can stereotype. We think we know everything about everybody and just, oh yeah, I know in five seconds if this is the one. You don't know anything about anyone in five seconds, except for maybe if you're physically attracted to them. But people can become and they do become more attracted as you get to know them or you see them in different environments and-
Seth Nelson:
I think that's so true because there's things that I learn about my fiance every day. Like, oh my God. I didn't get that. And there's this little nugget, right? And then there's stuff that I know what she's going to do, when she's going to do it, and what the look means. And I like that juxtaposition. I always find that very fascinating and interesting. Do people call with very specific, I'm looking for this?
April Davis:
Yes. Yeah. We do get some people that are very focused and want yeah, something very finite.
Seth Nelson:
So when you say very... they call up and say, "I'm looking for a short Jewish bald lawyer" I mean, are they getting that granular?
Pete Wright:
I knew it was going to get there. I knew that's where we were going.
Seth Nelson:
Asking for a friend, Pete. Asking for a friend.
April Davis:
Religion, especially.
Seth Nelson:
Religion.
April Davis:
People that are Jewish have used matchmakers forever. And it's a big part of the culture and everything too. So they're a lot of times, yeah, they're looking for somebody at the same religion.
Seth Nelson:
And correct me if I'm wrong. Is it true that relationships tend to last if they're done with a matchmaker compared to other ways of meeting people?
April Davis:
It's not necessarily with a matchmaker or not. It's arranged marriages. So arranged marriages are what end up... People are happier. End up being happier 10 years from now instead of versus a romantic relationship because going-
Pete Wright:
What? Yeah. Wow.
April Davis:
Yeah. They know it going into it that they have to work on it and they have to work through things, but they are getting set up with a lot of those basic things that we talked about earlier with the value system in place. The family system, the family has chosen this person because of the values are similar and they're not just hung up on, oh, he's hot or she's hot and I'm attracted to them because all that fades away eventually and what rears its head are those values ultimately. So people going into a relationship that is arranged, they know that, hey, I'm going to have to work on it to make this work. And so they're willing to do it.
Seth Nelson:
That was the stat I was thinking of, it wasn't matchmakers. It was arranged marriages and that's right.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
But it's a whole mindset. Right?
Pete Wright:
That's so interesting.
Seth Nelson:
I'm here for the long term. I don't know this person. I know we're going to have to work on becoming what we're going to become and however that gets defined, but our values are the same and people that know us know that our values are the same. That's fascinating.
April Davis:
Yeah. So they end up not only happier, but the relationships work out long term more often.
Pete Wright:
That is fascinating to me.
April Davis:
Yeah, yeah.
Seth Nelson:
Yeah. You would think it'd be just the opposite, right?
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
April Davis:
Especially nowadays where you have the freedom and people don't really do it as much, arranged marriages. And you can get divorced more easily nowadays, but yeah.
Seth Nelson:
Ding, ding, ding. That music my ears right there, Pete.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Right. Keep it coming. Somebody just pulled the arm.
April Davis:
But that's also, I mean, that is the problem because it's so easy to be able to throw in the towel and call Seth and get a divorce, so.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. So how then do you, I mean, you've already said you have wardrobe consultants, you have people that come in. Do you do any sort of actual relationship coaching for people who come to you and are like, "I'm divorced. I don't know how to do this. Clearly I need help"?
April Davis:
Yeah. Date coaching, relationship coaching. I think of as when people are in a relationship and it's more so around date coaching. So, how do they show up? How do they portray themselves? And a lot of confidence boosting and different things to help them to feel more confident going into the date.
Pete Wright:
And I'm thinking specifically about how do you show up in the date in a way that's going to help you with the longer term commitment to a potential relationship?
April Davis:
I think the biggest thing is mindset going in being that of someone that is there to give versus receive. I think so many people go into a date and they're like, "Okay, show me why I think you deserve another date and impress me." And they're waiting for the other person-
Pete Wright:
It's a sales pitch somehow. Right?
April Davis:
Yeah. Well, they're waiting for the other person to do all the work, do the song and dance versus putting any effort in themselves. And I've heard about it too, where, okay, somebody shows up for the date and they have very low expectations. They go to the bathroom and spruce themselves up because they actually like this person and obviously they didn't really put in that much effort until after they realized, oh, this person is somebody that I might like. So they put in an effort just by going in the bathroom. But it's more so around them being on and focused and getting to know, asking them questions and listening and showing that you're interested because people like to talk about themselves. And they like people that like them. So when they realize that this person is really into them, asking them question, getting them talking about their passions and interests, then they're enjoying themselves more and more, so.
Seth Nelson:
It sounds like you should just live in the moment.
April Davis:
Oh, there you go. That's one way to say it.
Seth Nelson:
No, but no, that's what you just described. Hey, you're interacting with someone. You're interested in what their hopes and passions and dreams are. And you find it inquisitive. If you're doing that and you're thinking about your ex or bringing up your ex, then you've just gone off the rails. Right?
April Davis:
Or if you're thinking about is this the one? I'm going to have to have sex with this person? Are we going to get married? Do they check all my boxes? That's not fun. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of the 21 questions like that too.
Pete Wright:
What else we talked about, obviously, don't talk about your divorce. What else is off the table in your guidance? Do you talk about work and kids and all those other things or?
April Davis:
For sure. It's more like religion, sex, politics. You can talk about it, but just not on the first date. We say always give it a couple of dates before you get into those topics. If it's something that they're dead set against dating somebody that's a Republican, that's something that we can weed out ahead of time. But a lot of people will say, "Well, I need to make sure that they're aligned with me." So I need to make sure I weed out those people, but there's just certain things that we try to get those things that there's such hot topics that you should just try to steer clear of them, because again, they can bring out the negativity and talking about sex with somebody that's basically a stranger, that's can be awkward for people, so.
Seth Nelson:
You should have listened to some of the previous shows we've had on. Absolutely. But the thing I was going to ask you just about that whole topic about what to talk about and what not to talk about is when you're kind of in that moment and you are having a good time, right? You put yourself out there if you're like, I hope he calls again. Or I hope she calls again. Does she want to have a second date? So if someone is working with you, is that topic off the table? They kind of have to come back and report to you how did things go or is that okay to throw out there?
April Davis:
Yeah. We want them to exchange information and take it from there. They don't need to go back to us and say, "Well, is it all right if we go on another date?" We want to get feedback, of course, so we can take that to our client if we need to. Or so we know what's going on. Say they don't like our client, then we know why. And we can relay that feedback to our client. Because a lot of the times it's just perception. You didn't mean to do this, but maybe this is how it was perceived. So FYI, you should know that you come across as maybe aloof and actually you were just nervous. And so next time let's work on getting you talking more or asking questions and warmed up or maybe you need to have a glass of wine before. So whatever it is.
Seth Nelson:
Or two.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
Right.
April Davis:
Not many more than that though.
Seth Nelson:
Yeah. Maybe not.
April Davis:
That's another rule. They don't get drunk on the date.
Pete Wright:
On the first date?
Seth Nelson:
And what about do people say, "Hey, I've never been married, so I don't want to be with someone that's divorced or I'm divorced. I want to be with someone that's divorced, not with someone that hasn't been married before.: Do you ever get that dynamic working?
April Davis:
We do, but not too much. It's more about kids. More so that we get people that, oh, I don't want somebody that has young kids or I want somebody that does want to have more kids. But the whole divorced or not, not so much. It would be more so like with younger people that maybe they have that kind of preference, but usually we try to get people to be open minded too, because you just never know the circumstances or there's so many exceptions. So it reminds me of this topic around anything that's in the news or anything that's being debated. There's always exceptions to everything. And we can't just assume that we know everything about everyone.
Seth Nelson:
What's the most surprising match you've ever made?
April Davis:
A surprising match? I guess what I think is what I see playing over and over again is I'll put a couple together that I think, oh yeah, this is perfect. We're done. This is exactly who each other are looking for. And they don't like each other. And then I might put together somebody that's like, well, maybe. And they end up hitting it off and going off into the sunset. It's always interesting to me. We can't predict these things and I've been doing this for over, gosh since 2010. So if I can't predict it, I don't think anybody else can either. Of course you can predict like, oh, it's not going to work. Oh yeah, with that attitude, of course it's not going to work because you have that attitude.
Seth Nelson:
Right. But that's what's interesting. You're really more about the process of, Hey, let me do those 50 first dates. I'm going to put you with someone that-
April Davis:
Aligns.
Seth Nelson:
Is here for the same reasons. At least aligned on X, Y, and Z based on your personalities, and what you're saying is important to you. They're not here for just hookups. So there's a lot of benefits to having all that and to help you get your confidence back. And ultimately, you might meet someone that turns out to be long term and maybe you don't, but it seems to me you're more about the process in getting there. You can't put your ultimate worth on whether someone stays married 10, 15, 20 years down the road.
April Davis:
No, definitely not. We help them to get into a relationship. We can't keep the relationship going.
Seth Nelson:
That's your job, Pete.
Pete Wright:
Right. I'm there. I'm the new mascot. Do you have a rough statistic on just how many people come to you who are divorced versus have never been married?
April Davis:
Off the top of my head, I don't know. I'd have to look. We don't have all that information on everyone that comes to us.
Pete Wright:
No, sure.
April Davis:
Only with people that we've actually interviewed in that way.
Pete Wright:
Well, I just think it's so interesting. And I feel like this conversation is really illuminating and I hope that people who are in the divorce process or recently out of the divorce process who've never considered engaging in the services of a matchmaker, that is a, I think a really special connection and a special opportunity that should be in the bouquet of options when you're ready to get back out there. It sounds extraordinarily helpful.
Seth Nelson:
Well, it sounds a whole lot better than swiping.
April Davis:
Yeah. And I would say, yeah, the majority of the people that come to us are divorced or maybe widowed too, the other lot. But most people are because just the demographic is 40 plus. So most people have been married at that time.
Pete Wright:
Okay. That's fascinating. All right. Well, tell us a little bit more, give us the pitch for LUMA and where people can find you and more about your wonderful team of matchmakers.
April Davis:
So basically, I mean, we are nationwide company. I started the company in 2010 and it's for people that just have a discerning taste and they're not wanting to waste their time going on a bunch of dates and going online. They're looking for something specific or someone specific and they can go to our website to learn more and join and they can either be part of our network to be considered as a match to our clients, or they can be a proactive client themselves. And all they have to do is just go to the website at lumasearch.com and it's lumasearch.com and fill out the profile form, set up a meeting to meet with a matchmaker and she'll meet with them via FaceTime or Zoom and go from there.
Pete Wright:
What's the investment somebody can expect to make in the matchmaking process in terms of what does it cost?
April Davis:
It varies. It depends. It's all customized depending on who they are and what they're looking for and how much resources we might have to put towards their search, or what level of a search that they do. So it can be free. They can just be part of the database. Or we have programs that go up to a hundred thousand too.
Seth Nelson:
That's for a guy like me, that there's going to be a lot of work.
Pete Wright:
A lot of work.
Seth Nelson:
To find someone for me.
Pete Wright:
So much work.
Seth Nelson:
I know.
Pete Wright:
I have no idea.
Seth Nelson:
But I do have this. What about people that I call geographically undesirable? You're all over the nation. So do we try to limit that? Or if people are open like, "Hey, I'm at a stage of my life where I might be willing to move if I meet the right person, even if they're in upstate New York and I'm living in Texas."
April Davis:
Yeah. We try to get people to be open to dating anywhere or just to open up their geographic boundaries in general. But that's a reason why we wouldn't take someone is if they aren't open because we need to have the kinds of people they're looking for. And if they're only wanting to date 10 miles from home, well, it may not be possible, so.
Pete Wright:
So, last question for me, I promise. When you talk about the scope of your database, let's just say I'm a new client, how many people do are you currently, have you screened that are in the database?
April Davis:
We have over 25,000 people in our database that we can tap into.
Pete Wright:
25,000?
April Davis:
Uh-huh. That's nationwide.
Pete Wright:
The blind squirrel nut metaphors are just screaming at me right now.
Seth Nelson:
Imagine all those people online that are just getting in or people creating false profiles in your swipe thing.
Pete Wright:
In your swipe left, right. Yeah. Right. These are screened human beings.
Seth Nelson:
That's right.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Seth Nelson:
That's right. One difference, so.
Pete Wright:
This is great. Thank you so much, April for joining us, for being a part of the show today, for teaching us, because we don't know anything really.
Seth Nelson:
I know nothing about dating. I know a lot about divorcing.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Right.
Seth Nelson:
You know?
Pete Wright:
He lives on the downhill side. This has been really fascinating. Thank you, April Davis, on behalf of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. Don't forget, everybody. You can ask us questions. Bring us those questions. Head over to howtosplitatoaster.com/questions. And you can ask us questions and we'll answer them. Seth will answer them and I'll make jokes.
Seth Nelson:
It's always better that way.
Pete Wright:
That's what we'll do. Don't forget to do that. We love your questions and we'd love to talk about them some more. So, thank you very much. On behalf of April Davis and Seth Nelson, America's favorite divorce attorney, I'm Pete Wright and we'll catch you next week right here on How to Split a Toaster: A divorce podcast about saving your relationships.
Speaker 4:
Seth Nelson is an attorney with Nelson Koster Family Law and Mediation with offices in Tampa, Florida. While we may be discussing family law topics, How to Split a Toaster is not intended to nor is it providing legal advice. Every situation is different. If you have specific questions regarding your situation, please seek your own legal counsel with an attorney licensed to practice law in your jurisdiction. Pete Wright is not an attorney or employee of Nelson Koster. Seth Nelson is licensed to practice law in Florida.
